Key events
Hmm, not so good.
Inspired stuff from Brian Withington who also sets me off on a long and widing road of Beatles/Cricket puns. “Got to get you into my…gloves” might be one I’d kick us off with. Over to you…
“Hi Jim, thought it was time to dig out the old Lennon & McCartney songbook again for some inspiration. This is the plaintive story of a permanently young Yorkshire lad who wears his heart on his sleeve and divides opinion, but whom I can’t help but admire for what he’s been through and brings to this life. (Apologies for the skewiff formatting – ghosts in the machine)
The Ballad of Jonny Bairstow
Standing in the crease at Lord’s often Only steppin’ out for a prance The man on the mic said, “You’ve got to go back” You know, they didn’t even give me a chance
Stokes, you know it ain’t easy You know how hard it can be I was just getting goin’ Then Alex Carey stuffed me
Finally got me back t’pavillion Members are all giving it large Rishi chipped in to say “Aus didn’t play it OK We wouldn’t want to win it that way” Stokes, you know it ain’t easy You know how hard it can be I was just getting goin’ Then Alex Carey stuffed me
Drove from Lord’s to the Headingley Hilton Sky says that I was too weak The newspapers said, “Say what you doing, where’s Ben?” I said, “I’m only trying my best just to keep”
Stokes, you know it ain’t easy You know how hard it can be I was just getting goin’ Those Aussie b*****s got me
Coming back from injury for a better day Givin’ your all for your country Last night Baz M said, “Oi, you with the red head You just keep on playing with all your heart and soul Think”
Made a leg side drop once again Hard diving with my left leg The pundits all said, “Weight’s gone to his left Needs to move his feet quicker like Ben”
Chorus
Chased at a wide one from Starc Smith caught it and sent me back The men from the press said, “We wished you success But now it’s time for the sack”
Stokes, you know it ain’t easy You know how hard it can be The way things are goin’ You’re picking Foakes and not me? The way things are goin’ Wish I’d not got on that tee”
Smylers whangs one down and into my inbox, it is above average fare:
“Hello, James. Regression to the mean is not, as it might sound, a description of how drunken crowds behave at sporting events when they perceive their team has been slighted, but a statistical term which applies to data which exhibits variance: if you’ve just had an outcome which was towards either extreme of the expected range, then chances are future events will be closer to the average.
Applying this to Johnny Bairstow, who on average is both a better batter and a better keeper than we’ve seen in this series, it’d be silly to replace somebody because of a few below-average performances: everybody will sometimes play below their average (because that’s how averages work!). What matters is how Johnny’s typical keeping and batting is to the other options, not his worst. I was a fan of having Ben Foakes in the team, but I understand England’s reason for choosing Johnny to keep wicket for this series, and, perhaps counter-intuitively, when somebody has underperformed (relative to their own abilities) is the wrong time to drop them.
And regarding England in this match? They can bat far better than they did in their first innings; we know that. Regression to the mean suggests that they probably won’t do as badly in their second innings…”
Pundits keep saying England are losing because of dropped catches, not your so called “bazball”. This is wrong because the main dropper is a bazball selection. And yet paradoxically Foakes, the No1 keeper, was a big success of early bazball, which suggests in turn that if
— Barney Ronay (@barneyronay) July 8, 2023
Still mizzling here in Leeds. We haven’t had any further updates and I don’t think we will until it stops. We’ll press on regardless.
“Good afternoon James”
Afternoon to you Paul Richards.
“As a regular visitor to Filey for holidays in the 70s, we used to regularly to have a local weather condition known as a “fret”, a thick mist that used to shroud the beach and town… until it was burned off by the glorious sunshine later in the day (not!).
It is caused by the difference in temperature between the cold North Sea and the warmer air in spring and summer and is quite common on the NE coast. I think Farrow and Ball would undoubtedly have picked up on this and named their paint, “Filey Fret”. If they see this email my consultancy fees are very reasonable.
Cheers, Paul (from overcast Hertfordshire).”
It’s looking a bit more grim over The Howard Stand I’m sorry to report. It’s all gone a bit Gunmetal Guiseley.
“Dear James and brother-driver William,
For me and my kinfolk, Wallace is a family name which must pass from generation to generation as a middle name. My parents had three sons before me but clearly forgot about the tradition until I came along, leaving me with the dubious honour of being Mel Gibson’s namesake forever more – though unlike your brother I get to lay low until someone snoops on my passport.
Watching my first proper Ashes this year – my father (he of the son-misnaming shenanigans) tried for 30 years to teach me a love of cricket. Finally, a couple of years late, remembering him by learning to love an incredibly frustrating and brilliant game – thanks for all the coverage from you and colleagues!
Freedom! and all that.
William (Wallace) Haydon”
I’ll pass this on to my William Wallace, Bill. I think this is as near as he’s come to meeting a namesake.
“Hi, James, well, it’s now 6:10 AM here in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, where the famous Calgary Stampede got underway yesterday and where we’re expecting a 30 degree day filled with sunshine. I actually set my alarm for 4 o’clock to catch the start of today’s action, so the rain delay has been nice for me to stay in bed on a Saturday morning.
I’m a cricket neophyte. Watched much of this year’s IPL to learn the basics of the game. I’ve got a decent handle on it, I think, although I’m still learning some of the terminology for things like the different areas of the ground, fielding positions, and various bits of slang/jargon.
Good to have you with us, Michael Ireton, you don’t need to know all that stuff to enjoy this beautiful/bonkers game of ours.
“And speaking of matters linguistic, the phrase “getting down to brass tacks” is well known hereabouts – at least among folks “of a certain age”. Like many idioms, the origins of the expression are uncertain, despite various claims to knowing the definitive story.
This is a good read about it. Perhaps something to peruse if there’s another weather delay: https://blog.oup.com/2015/04/get-down-to-brass-tacks-idiom-origin/”
“Good morning from Pittsburgh!”
Good of you to bring some energy to a soggy Yorkshire, Eric Petersen.
“Using the rain delay to be thorough with my Saturday morning routine of catching up with two days of cricket lost to being a working stiff. Watched yesterday’s highlights and found myself wondering which Aussie said mean things to Mark Wood about his mother, a la Bobby Boucher in The Waterboy (feel free to judge, I referenced Daniel LaRusso / The Karate Kid last test, so the aesthetic trajectory I’ve set for myself is not lost on me).
If someone ever conjures up a T5 format – you know, something Sky Sports can shoehorn in between Premier League games – Stokes & Wood would be appointment viewing.”
Of course if you want to catch up with the action from the last few days with the best writers around then you’ll find everything here under one Guardian “umbrella”. Don’t say umbrella!
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/cricket
As the rain falls, get stuck into this interesting and very good piece from Wisden’s Yas Rana:
Gah! Just as the man on the tannoy here at Headingley announces we’ll have a 13:30pm start “pending no further rain” the sky belches and the rains spool forth. It is now well and truly chucking it down! Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
The covers are coming off! Be still my beating heart.
Still no further rain and some sterling work being done out on the outfield. They are peeling off the outer covers and things are looking brighter.
Ben Heywood isn’t happy with England’s butterfingers.
“Andy Shay (12:06pm) has it dead on. England are 2-0 down and not 2-0 up because in two very tightly contested tests, their fielding has been absolute garbage. Yes, our batters have donated wickets via brainless pulls and hooks, but the Aussies have done that too; where the sides differ is the Aussies’ ability to pouch the edges that matter. England have dropped some utter sitters, and the reprieved batsmen has then gone on to a century, what, three times? Bazball is about aggressive batting and bowling; has Mr McCullum simply forgotten about fielding completely?”
M’colleague Geoff Lemon touched on this the other day, after England’s latest clumsy fielding display. The days of England going on a specific catch honing trip are seemingly long gone. These days there do a few grabs on the outfield while McCullum pumps out some chart hits from his boom box.
There’s no doubt those missed chances have cost them, I make it 18 drops/missed stumpings in the series so far – almost an entire Test match’s worth of opportunities gone begging… and we’re only in the third Test.
James Doulapas isn’t used to the wet stuff:
“Hi James. I was born in Hull 76 years ago but I’ve been living for the past seven years in a rural coastal village in the Peloponnese. I keenly follow the cricket scores via the Guardian. 30+C degrees and sunny here as usual today. Unfortunately I’ve now completely forgotten what rain and/or a rain delay is. Is it something Fate and the umpires create to make Test matches last five days?”
I think even with this lost time today this Test might not go the distance.
Always up for a film recommendation. Hello to Brian Murphy:
“Howdy James! Like all of us, am hoping this rain clears off good and quick. While we wait though, can I urge all fellow OBO-ers to check out the film adaptation of Claire Keegan’s first novella, Foster. The film is in Irish, called ‘An Cailín Ciúin’ (The Quiet Girl), obvs with subtitles. It’s v rare I find myself in floods of tears on the pavement outside the cinema… A hearty recommend. It’s genuinely beautiful.
And like Grame McNeill earlier, I’m an Irishman in a similar quandary, yet find myself slightly wishing England well here Am v conflicted tbh – Go n-éirí libh!”
It is currently fine in Headingley and the clear up is ongoing. Fingers crossed we don’t have any rain in the next 4o minutes and can get some action in this afternoon.
Meanwhile, hello to Bill Pairman in Madrid:
“Hi James, it was nice to see the old expression ‘It’s black over Bill’s mother’s earlier. I don’t know the origin either but it was one of my mum’s favourite sayings. She was brought up by her Yorkshire grandmother who was born in the 1880s and was therefore a veritable mine of Victorian-era sayings which I’ve inherited (and passed on to my Spanish wife!).
Whenever my mum used the expression there would be a pause before she added “I’ve no idea who Bill was – or his mother!”
It’s a scorching hot summer day with a cloudless sky here in Madrid, here’s hoping the sunshine makes it over Bill’s mother’s to Headingley!”
Lovely, cheers Bill. Send us some sunshine!
Less lovely, but quite funny from Matt Thomas:
“At the risk of lowering the tone to Ollie Robinson levels I’ve always had a keen fondness for the Aussie version of ‘cracking eggs with a stick’, namely ‘We’re not here to f*** spiders’.
Maybe it could inscribed on the urn if they secure the series today?”
Tim Murray emails in with a missive titled ‘Murray Henman’
“As someone who had to suffer people saying “come on Tim” during Henman’s heyday and whose kids have suffered with Andy Murray jibes for pretty much their whole lives, absolutely amazed not just by Murray Henman’s name but also the fact it appeared to pass you by. (Oh I spotted it alright, Tim) Assuming, that is, it’s real.”
Stranger things have happened, though I confess this is making my head hurt a little…
“Am also always amazed by the “casual” at the end of your email. Still wearing Fila and Diadora Borg Elites?”
Ha. That’s a Guardian thing Tim, one day I’ll gravitate to formal, maybe. Who am I kidding? I’ll be in me plimsolls for the forseeable.
A handshake across the pond to Andy Shay:
Greetings James from Central Pennsylvania in the United States. My brother (Greg) and I are Yanks who lived in England for a four-year spell as teenagers in the early 1980s (Hello Ian Botham and England vs. West Indies) and have followed the game ever since.
We particularly enjoy Test Cricket and favour England but are very much neutral fans. This particular Ashes series has been sizzling and this new style for England is simply pure living-on-the-edge cricket. But the basics still matter and from the ONLY difference in these squads so far is catching in the field. Australia have been out of this world class in the field and England have been average. Otherwise the cricket has been off-the-charts good on the entertainment side. Keep up the great work, Sir!”
The special relationship is strong on the OBO.
“Good afternoon James – at least it is here in sunny Provence.” (Show off!)
Bonjour to you Graeme McNeil.
“I have a question for you and OBO readers. Do Scottish cricket fans shout for England or Australia in the Ashes? Cricket seems to be the one sport where some Scotsmen, including my dad, think it’s ok to support England but I am in the Anyone But England camp.
Before I get roasted please let me say how much I admire the England team and Ben Stokes is an utter legend. But I just can’t bring myself to support England as a team or a concept, just like the football or the rugby.
Thoughts? Given your name I suspect you may have some divided opinions on this subject.”
I’m as English as buttered crumpets and delayed trains Graeme – a Yorkshire mum, a Lancashire dad and I was lucky enough to grow up in the Peak District. The holy trinity eh? But yes somewhere way back we’ve got Scotch blood, and one of my brothers is called William. No word of a lie, he gave me a lift to the ground this morning through chocka Headingley traffic -Braveheart indeed.
“It’s a chilly night in Brisbane” writes Murray Henman. “So I’m settling in with a wee dram of whisky to read Claire Keegan’s great book, Small Things Like These.
It’s only 110 pages so hopefully I’ll be done by the time play begins.” You’ve a good chance Murray, sounds an ideal set up.
Jacob Grooby is feeling fearful for the Aussies…
“When play does resume, are we expecting the mugginess to provide the bowlers with a lot of swing? If so, it might be a bloodbath. A swing-inspired collapse would be a frustrating development after Australia scored a paltry 116 from 47 overs of perfect batting conditions yesterday.”
Paul Spencer is having similar thoughts from an English perspective:
“With all this rain and moisture around, surely the conditions will suit the bowlers a lot more than the batters. Once again the weather has fallen England’s way. Can they take advantage?”
It certainly will be trickier conditions to bat if and when they get on today, yesterday there was blanket azure blue skies, today it’s more Filey Grey which very much could be a Farrow&Ball paint colour…
Likewise – Burley Musk and Garforth Skies. C’mon – it’s raining.
No play before 1.10pm
We’ve had word that an early lunch will be taken at 12:30pm which means the earliest that any play could happen would be after that. The weather does look better away to the east so I don’t think this is a lost cause at all, but it’s a case of getting enough of a dry period in to clear things up. I keep hearing that the drainage is very good here, which is something.
Keep the emails coming in, it’s always good fun to chew the fat during a rain delay.
It’s still mizzling in Leeds but there are brighter clouds rolling in from the east. I’m just off for a wander to see what the prospects of play might be (find some coffee). Back soon!
Alisdair Gould is off his long run in Paris…
Hello James, I enjoyed the preamble that sets the context of today’s cricket perfectly. After such flattery I trust you will print my opinion! (You know me so well…)
“Bairstow is neither Test class as a batter and certainly not a wicketkeeper to pick ahead of Foakes… he should be dropped. If your best bowler is available you don’t choose a replacement because she or he scores more runs. I find it an insulting group compromise the continued selection of matey Bairstow.”
Well now, Al. I can feel your frustration seeping through my screen but Bairstow is a Test class batter, you need only look at his record in the last 12 months to see that. But, I accept he’s had a shocking series behind the stumps thus far and he’ll be feeling it keenly.
After the Lord’s Test finished I interviewed Jack Russell and he was particularly thoughtful on this very issue.
You know, this series might be decided by one stumping. One catch. One piece of brilliance, because there’s such fine margins between the sides. Jonny is made of tough stuff and I’m sure he’ll bounce back but in an Ashes series missed chances get magnified and so the pain will be even greater because of what is at stake.”
I can see plenty of sopping work going on from my vantage point in the press box. It currently IS NOT raining but it is really muggy (mafting if you will) and there is the odd grumble of thunder to be heard away over Leeds city centre.
“Hi Jim!”
Hello to you Matt Dunhill.
“I’m actually looking forward to an on/off day of cricket, all this high octane cricket is great but I do miss OBO chats about travel, food etymology etc!
Anyway… Not purely a Yorkshire term but a very apt phrase for today: ‘It’s black over Bill’s mother’s’ (meaning there are black clouds on the horizon)“
I think that could be a Lancashire expression, I’m sure the OBO hive-mind will let us know.
“Morning Jimbo. Hope I can call you that?”
You can call me anything you want, Simon McMahon
“It’s been a tough couple of days for Scottish sports fans, after the men’s cricket team missed out on World Cup qualification at the death against Netherlands, and Andy Murray exiting Wimbledon, possibly for the last time. At least we can all rely on England to provide some much needed respite by taking this Ashes series to Old Trafford still alive. That’s the least we all deserve, right. Right? Make it happen please, England.”
Rely doing a lot of heavy-lifting here I think Simon.
A horrible grey cloud has just emptied itself onto Headingley and I think I saw a flash of lightning in the distance. I don’t think we are going to start on time here, will bring you any official information as I get it.
Tom Coates gets the prize of err absolutely nothing for being the first emailer to brighten my inbox.
“Hello Jim,
Before reading your opening post this morning, I’d never encountered the local phrase ‘it’s time to get down to brass tacks’, nor can I work out what on earth it is supposed to mean after a few minute’s consideration.
While at Headingley on Thursday I, a Swindonian, was equally confused when the man sitting next to me proclaimed that Australia (just Mitch Marsh, really) were ‘cracking eggs with a stick’. According to him this just means ‘getting on with it’. I took his word for it. Are there any other perplexing phrases from Yorkshire (or other) local dialects that could describe the state of play today, or indeed England’s performance in the series so far?”
I like this Tom, this feels like good rain delay content.
PS – I’m definitely going to steal ‘cracking eggs with a stick’ for OBO purposes.
There’s hope…
It’s grey and foreboding at Headingley. We’ve had a few thundery downpours and the covers have been on all morning. Promisingly, the groundstaff are peeling them off as we speak. The forecast looks a bit worse for this afternoon, it might be an on-off sort of a day.
Preamble
James Wallace
Hello and welcome to Leeds and the OBO of the third day of the third Ashes Test. As the locals might say ‘It’s time to get down to brass tacks’.
Australia are 2-0 up in the series and already hold the urn. England need to win all three remaining Test matches in order to win back the Ashes. Those are the facts. Yet, somehow, facts don’t seem to do this mind-bending series justice. Both sides have scored almost the same amount of runs and taken the same amount of wickets, yet one is very much 2-0 up and the other is scrabbling to stay alive.
England have been wasteful in the moments when they could have pulled away, at both Edgbaston and Lord’s they were guilty of letting Australia back in, everyone knows that is a bad idea.
Yesterday was another cortex-boggling day. In the morning session England slipped from 68-3 to 142-7 in the space of a couple of frustrating hours. The Western Stand (formally the Western Terrace – ‘They’ve re-badged it you fool!’) was stunned, adopting a kind of hush that would have pleased the Cistercian monks who once inhabited Kirkstall Abbey a stone’s throw away.
Any hopes of a first-innings lead and a solid foothold in a must-win game vapourised inside two hours. After lunch, the series lurched once again. Mark Wood bludgeoned his first three balls for 16 and departed for 24 off 8 balls, heading back to the hutch with a strike rate of 300 and having brought the home crowd back to life. Ben Stokes then played another jaw-dropping knock, basically on one leg. England’s last three wickets added 95 runs in 10.2 overs of rabble-rousing carnage to whittle the Australian lead to just 26 runs.
Stokes was a marvel once more. A brace of sixes hit flat into the Howard Stand were as brutal as anything he has hit all week. Yes, all week. England’s skipper has launched 14 Ashes sixes in the last seven days. To give that stat some perspective – Ian Botham hit 20 in his entire Ashes career.
By the close of play Headingley was rocking, Mark Wood pounding in and getting the Dukes to fly around nostrils and ears. The game is set up tantalisingly – Australia reaching 116-4 at stumps to lead by 142 runs. This could be the day the Ashes are decided, or it could be the one where England get back into the series. Either way it’ll be must-see viewing.
Jim here with the call, I’m just heading to the ground – there’s a wee bit of weather about in God’s own county this morning but we should get plenty of play in. If you are tuning in then do drop us a line here or tweet @Jimbo_Cricket.
