Boardroom scheming, sibling betrayals and the worst Roy musical performance since that rap. Here are all the market comparables from the second episode, titled Rehearsal …
‘Happy Christmas, you clock-watching fucks’
A cold open saw billionaire silverback Logan Roy (Brian Cox) pay a surprise visit to his Fox News-alike network ATN. It was the day before the sale of Waystar Royco to GoJo mogul Lukas Matsson (Alexander Skarsgård) and to reassure ATN staff he was still in charge, Logan prowled the newsroom. “He’s wearing sunglasses inside,” whispered cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun). “He looks like if Santa was a hitman. It’s like Jaws, if all the people in Jaws worked for Jaws.” Pity one-email-don’t-exhaust-yourself guy and head-for-numbers guy.
As staff gathered for a speech, veteran thesp Cox was in his element. Sure, ATN’s audience share was up but costs were up more. He was going to be hands-on from now on, so knuckle down. The strategy? Kill the opposition by saying the unsayable. Spicy content that ATN’s rivals were too lily-livered to broadcast. This wasn’t the end, it was the beginning. He was building something “better, faster, lighter, meaner, wilder. You’re fucking pirates!” Shakespearean stuff. It was less rousing when he grumbled about aircon bills and takeout pizzas but let’s not quibble.
‘I got Mommed’
At a lakeside “brainstorm business retreat”, the next-gen Roys were watching their new acquisition, Pierce Global News, deeply unimpressed by what they saw. All oldies, not enough hotties, bald men discussing Nato, seemingly aimed at college professors. They had their work cut out. When Shiv (Sarah Snook) took a call, it turned out that Manhattan’s top divorce attorneys had been “conflicted out”. Soon-to-be-ex-husband Tom Wambsgans (Matthew Macfadyen) had retained them all. A tactic straight from the Logan playbook. Simmering with fury, she called Tom “Dad’s little bitch boy”. This might not be amicable after all.
The rats were heading back to the city for their big bro’s wedding rehearsal, except that Logan had nixed their use of the company helicopter (“Axe the chopper, they can walk”). Cue Roman (Kieran Culkin) throwing a diva tantrum on the tarmac. He’s always been partial to his “PJs”.
Lowballs and phone calls
In retaliation for Logan siding with his son-in-law, Shiv reached out to activist investors Sandi Furness (Hope Davis) and Stewy Hosseini (Arian Moayed). They were canvassing support among Waystar board members not to wave through the GoJo deal. There was more juice to be squeezed from the Swede, so they should force Logan back to the negotiating table. Driving up the sale price made business sense, agreed Shiv. Angering her father was merely a bonus.
Sandi and Stewy argued that Logan had underplayed his hand and the siblings were rushing it through for emotional reasons. If they joined forces with the Furness alliance, they could outvote Logan. Shiv and Kendall (Jeremy Strong) were in. Roman feared it could blow up the entire sale. As if by magic, Kendall got FaceTimed by Matsson. He’d got wind of the wobble, warning not to push him or he’d walk. Kendall was unconvinced and asked Stewy to send him “the comparables”. Mutiny was brewing. Again.
Don’t give up the day job
She’s increasingly a scene-stealer but who knew Logan’s “friend, assistant and advisor” Kerry (Zoe Winters) had ambitions in front of the camera? A delicious subplot involved the befringed former PA’s audition as an ATN anchor – a try-out tape so disastrous, it had gone viral around the building. Comms chief Hugo Baker (Fisher Stevens) was busted by Logan sniggering at it. The kids had a leaked copy, touting it as evidence of their father’s waning judgment. “He’s selling the empire to a 4chan Swede and dishing out jobs for blowies,” as Roman put it.
Logan cannily left it up to Tom to decide whether Kerry got the gig. Tom bravely passed the buck to his erstwhile “Disgusting Brother”. “It’s an incredibly delicate piece of diplomacy,” said Tom. “Like Israel/Palestine except harder and much more important.” All very Jared Kushner. Naturally, Greg handled it with his customary tact, gabbling about her “un-TV arms” and blaming made-up market research. “If this focus group isn’t real,” hissed Kerry, “I’m going to take you apart like a human string cheese.” So that went well.
There goes the bride
Arriving late at the rehearsal, the “Rebel Alliance” found Willa (Justine Lupe) tottering out, drunk and having doubts, while Connor (Alan Ruck) sat morosely alone. The bride-to-be had stood up to make a speech, said “I can’t do this,” then spent 40 minutes in the bathroom. Not so much cold feet as severe frostbite. Connor obsessively tracked her location on his phone, convinced she was leaving him. Or buying drugs/having an affair/jumping into the East River.
In a rare display of sibling solidarity, they offered to cheer up “Potus Scrotus” with a bachelor party. He wanted to do karaoke “at a real place, away from the fancy dans”, because he’d “seen it in the movies”. His superbly unsuitable song choice? That notorious party-starter, Famous Blue Raincoat by Leonard Cohen (“my brother, my killer …”). Con made a heartbreaking speech about being unloved but at least when he got home, Willa was waiting. The nuptials might go ahead after all. Bumfights [sic], rappers and jetpacks currently unconfirmed.
Meanwhile, mistrust between the siblings was growing. Roman had been secretly messaging Logan. He’d also spoken to Matsson and feared he’d bail. Shiv and Kendall assured him it was all just negotiating tactics, just as Logan would’ve done in his prime. Talking of Bad Santa …
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Karaoke family therapy
Nose out of joint that his payout might be delayed, Connor had leaked the siblings’ plans and location to Logan. He duly arrived at the karaoke joint, despite fearing a seizure owing to the lighting, and tried to broker a peace deal. He’d wanted them at his birthday party (“Holy shit, did Dad just say a feeling?”) and was hurt by losing Pierce but he insisted Matsson wouldn’t pay more. The deal made sense, so vote for it. You do Pierce, I’ll do ATN, we’ll reset our family dynamic and it’ll be a fresh start for us all.
Shiv and Kendall pushed for a proper apology for shafting them in Chiantishire, plus longer-term paternal crimes, but still rejected the olive branch. “You’re such fucking dopes,” snarled Logan. “I love you but you’re not serious people.” As he stomped off down the street, muttering about beggars and vermin, he was more King Lear-ish than ever. He promptly postponed the following day’s board meeting so he could fly out to see Matsson himself. He’d miss Connor’s wedding but hey, whatever.
The heir apparent
Kendall was the only one left smiling but did Roman rise to the top after that late twist? Over a manipulative late-night Scotch, Logan outlined his plot to oust ATN boss Cyd Peach (Jeannie Berlin) and reinvent the network. He wanted Romulus to be his “fire-breather, a ruthless fuck”. Hell, he needed him – and at the Matsson meeting, too. Was weak Roman just lured to the dark side?
Line of the week
Honourable mentions to Roman calling the bar a “Billy Ray Cyrus Kentucky Fried Shitshack”, Connor’s plant analogy and Matsson’s claim that he had “never met anyone I respect who sleeps well”. But the gong goes to Roman’s Fab Four riff: “Stop ganging up on me like you’re Lennon and McCartney and I’m George. I’m John, motherfuckers. You’re Ringo and Yoko. He’s still Connor but he won having drinks with us at an auction.”
Notes and observations
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Loved how horrified the siblings were by a normal bar. Will they know what a vodka and tonic is? Is house red too risky? Will they spike my seltzer? “I’ll have what a regular Joe would have: Belgian Weissbier, not Hoegaarden.”
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This episode was co-written by Tony Roche and Susan Soon He Stanton (the duo who penned Retired Janitors of Idaho last series) and directed by Peep Show alumnus Becky Martin.
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Kendall’s “Buddha in Tom Fords” schtick was brilliantly cringey, as was his borderline racist attempt to impress PA Jess (Juliana Canfield) with worthy talk of PGN “focusing on Africa”.
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Why didn’t Logan want longtime counsel Gerri (J Smith Cameron) at the Matsson meeting? Due to Kerrygate? Because she’d distract Roman or side with Matsson? I fear for the cult heroine.
A tense episode as the final series gathered momentum. Rejoin us here next Monday. In the meantime, Stakhanovites, please leave your thoughts and theories below.
