FLOP GUN
Everyone remembers the bit in Pulp Fiction, where dapper hitmen Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega emerge completely unscathed after being ambushed by a young gunman who had been hiding in the bathroom of an apartment they’re visiting to retrieve that briefcase. Sprayed from close range with a hail of bullets from a “hand cannon”, our intrepid but somehow unharmed duo are left staring in disbelief at both themselves and each other, before turning their own shooters on their hapless would-be killer and blowing him to kingdom come. “We should be [effin] dead, man,” muses Jules, turning to survey the bullet holes in the wall behind him. “I know, we was lucky,” concurs Vincent, prompting a philosophical debate between the colleagues over whether or not “what happened here” was luck or fate.
It is a conundrum which may have occupied the minds of Liverpool’s players as they returned to Merseyside on Sunday, still very much alive in the FA Cup with their berth in the fourth round secured, despite having come under the heaviest fire from every conceivable range from a dizzying array of Gunners, but mostly Kai Havertz. Chucked up front by Mikel Arteta in his latest bid to solve his side’s poor finishing, the hapless would-be assassin left no end of bullet holes in the wall, only to see his team dispatched by a more ruthless Liverpool side that almost certainly won’t care whether their victory was down to good fortune or some sort of divine intervention. When push came to shove, it could be argued that ultimately it was Jürgen Klopp’s men who had the big kahunas.
“What I beg from the supporters is that they are behind the team,” pleaded Arteta, after his side were booed off following their third consecutive domestic defeat. “Stick behind the team, they are incredibly good. They deserve the support with their attitude. I haven’t seen a team in the past six months that has generated what we have done against [Liverpool].” He has a short memory, given that in the past two weeks alone his own team at least managed to generate a goal against them and will now spend some downtime in Dubai figuring out how best to start generating some more as they attempt to win the Premier League and Big Cup.
Liverpool’s win over Arsenal was the penultimate game of an FA Cup third round that, notwithstanding the heroics of non-league Maidstone and Leeds striker Patrick “Bam-Bam” Bamford, was low on surprise. However, with just one game remaining the prospect of an upset remains on the cards, with Plucky Wigan hosting Manchester United at the DW Stadium tonight. Sitting 18th in League One, the Latics are massive underdogs but given some of the humiliations visited upon United already this season, a home win would come as an amusing but hardly seismic shock.
FRANZ BECKENBAUER (1945-2024)
Franz Beckenbauer, widely regarded as one of the finest footballers of all time, and one of only three men to win the World Cup as a player and manager, has died aged 78. Beckenbauer is an icon of German football having won 104 caps for West Germany, captaining them to glory at the 1974 World Cup before repeating the feat, as manager, in Italy 16 years later. He also won numerous other honours, including a hat-trick of European Cups with Bayern Munich in the mid-70s, when he also established his reputation as a defender of supreme talents. His family confirmed the news via a statement to the German press agency DPA. “It is with deep sadness that we announce that my husband and our father, Franz Beckenbauer, passed away peacefully in his sleep on Sunday, surrounded by his family,” it said. “We ask that we can be able to mourn in silence and not be disturbed by any questions.” RIP Der Kaiser.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We can do fun activities, go out. A lot of boys are bringing their families out [to Dubai] as well, so it’s a chance to meet people’s families. It’s nice to be in the heat, train in the good weather. It’s good for us” – Following Arsenal’s 2-0 defeat to Liverpool, just as boilers reached breaking point across the country, Reiss Nelson took the opportunity to remind people everywhere that not everyone is rewarded for failure in quite the same way.
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I’m not an expert in probability theory but I believe it was the great Émile Borel who popularised the theorem which states that ‘if you gave an infinite number of Havertzs, an infinite number of balls and sufficient time then eventually one of them would stop taking too many touches and shoot before giving all the opposition defenders time to get back to cover’. This is not that time, however” – Noble Francis.
If Ben Brereton Díaz knew all about Sheffield United before his transfer as their manager Chris Wilder claimed (Friday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition), why on earth did he move there from Villarreal?” – Mick Beeby.
Friday’s Football Daily quotes Sean Dyche, describing the VAR decision to show Dominic Calvert-Lewin a red card for a studs to shin contact on Nathaniel Clyne, saying ‘If you slow down everything, you’re going to find what you are looking for’. If only someone had suggested that to Bono in 1986” – Ed Taylor.
Send your letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Mick Beeby.
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