It wasn’t a hearty blow. It may not have made a sound. But there was definitely contact. Standing a head taller than Lisandro Martínez in front and Anthony behind – Wout Weghorst moved his right arm into an unnatural position. You couldn’t argue it was board to hand. It was an intentional movement, his silhouette made bigger – his arm rising and his fingers resting and, fatally, lingering just below the I and E of the This is Anfield sign.
A couple of hours later and Manchester United had lost 7 (seven)-nil to Liverpool. Coincidence? Maybe. But his betrayal is clearly the most egregious act a footballer has been accused of in the last week or so – unless you include sexual assault, exposing your genitals in public or perhaps beating up and spitting at a referee.
Then it emerged that in 2018 Weghorst said he dreamed of playing for Liverpool as a kid. Imagine that – an aspiring young footballer wanting to play for one of the biggest sides on earth. Truly disgusting stuff. As you can imagine, the internet gave a shit. “Terminate his contract.” “Fly him back to burnley.” “Dissolve his squad number.”
The Weghorst PR machine went into overdrive – hopefully a room of agents and publicists huddled in a breakout space on bean bags in a warehouse apartment in the Northern Quarter. Wout has touched the This Is Anfield sign. We need to act – begin the Weghorst protocol.
“Normally I never react on media topics,” he wrote, “but for this one, it’s worth it because you amazing United fans are important to me. So I just want to clarify the video that is doing the rounds.”
Excellent start – praise your own fans. People like to be told how great they are. He’s right you know. We are amazing.
“From the national team, I know that Virgil always touches that sign and I went to stop him touching it to try and wind him up before the game.”
Unconvincing perhaps – a forensic analysis of the clip shows he is a good half a second behind Van Dijk on the board tap. Although he was a good half a second behind him for the 58 minutes he was on the pitch – so perhaps we should take that at face value.
“As a child I always supported FC Twente, and as a proud player now for Manchester United, my dedication to this incredible club can never be questioned.”
Good. Don’t mention the Liverpool thing. Don’t say Liverpool. No one can be offended by FC Twente.
“Sunday was a terrible day for all of us. We are putting everything into making it right in the next weeks. We will bounce back together and achieve our aims this season!”
Perfect. End on a generic apology – the stock in trade of a humiliating defeat. Turns out most Manchester United players have kept their counsel since Sunday. David de Gea did have a go using notes – giving it an “I’m typing on my iPhone while I sit on the toilet” feel.
“I know these message don’t sit well on such a day,” he posted. “This was a disastrous moment for us and these results shouldn’t happen, especially with the journey we are all on. We have a duty to this club, a responsibility to respect the badge but we have many opportunities to look ahead many games coming fast and we have to lock our focus on these.”
Of course what we’re all looking for is the Victor Anichebe. The cut-and-paste-including instructions: 23 October 2016, after a 1-0 defeat by West Ham, the then Sunderland striker tweeted: “Can you tweet something like … Unbelievable support yesterday and great effort by the lads! Hard result to take! But we go again!”
Social media does bring players and fans closer together. And building a following is lucrative and just part of existence these days. I signed up with a social media manager for a month a few years ago. They were perfectly nice and told me when to post to be at my most relevant – which let’s be honest was probably about 2011. It wasn’t for me – I didn’t like having people.
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Marcus Rashford has used social media to change government policy on feeding children – what a valuable use of his platform. How Boris Johnson must have wished he was a BBC pundit.
Rashford’s post-Liverpool tweet looked pretty honest: “I wish we could play a game today to try and put things right. The result is the result, and we can’t see past that! We must not let it define our season. We have to trust the process and stick together.”
The point of it all is to show that they care – they hurt too. If you prick them they bleed. Which leads us to ask how long a footballer must remain sad after a defeat.
When are they allowed to leave their house? Rashford was guilty of driving a car he owns to a shop “just two days” after the defeat, as the Daily Mail excitedly reported. JUST TWO DAYS.
“Following the defeat, the 25-year-old decided to hit the town and do some shopping before hopping back into his McLaren 765LT. The forward sported a casual look and had a sombre expression on his face as he quickly entered his £280,000 sports car.”
Which car exactly should he use to go shopping in the aftermath of a hammering? Leave the McLaren at home, Marcus – just hop in your Nova. And how many days should you wait before you pop to Tesco? Is it a day per goal? At least he had a sombre expression on his face. Imagine if he’d had the gall to smile.
As I write Harry Kane should be waking up from his latest disappointment against Milan. Should he smile at his children over breakfast? His eldest daughter is four. Surely she can log into Insta on the iPad and turn informant if he does.
Wouldn’t we all benefit from a few more Mateusz Klichs ? After a draw with Southampton last year, a fan called Bob tweeted the then Leeds centre-back. “Stop giving the fckin ball away FFS and stupid free kicks around the box it’s kids stuff FFS”.
The response from Klich: “Fuck off. Bob.” That’s what I wanted from Wout: “I did it. I touched the sign. And I’d do it again. Fuck off and care about something that actually matters.”
