Name: Dog poo.
Age: Fresh.
Appearance: Best not to go into detail.
Eugh! I know, disgusting, right?
Look, there’s one over there, near the children’s playground, its canine creator still in the act – arched back, straining, just like on the horrible “No Dog Fouling” sign right next to it. And the owner, walking away, headphones on, pretending he hasn’t noticed.
We need to say something. I know, but they both look quite scary. I only shout at people with dachshunds.
Some dog owners are so thoughtless. More than a quarter of them, in fact. In a new survey of 2,000 UK dog owners, 28% admit they’ve walked off without picking up their dog’s excrement.
Shame on those dog owners! Of those, a third confess it’s a frequent occurrence.
Double shame on those dog owners! And 14% admit they never clean up after their pooch.
They should have it smeared all over them … Steady on!
Well, that’s what’s happening to us, and our children, when we play football and have picnics in the park. You’ve got a point. And don’t get me started on when they bag it up …
Isn’t that what they’re supposed to do? Yes, bag it up and take it home, or put it in the poo bins. But sometimes they bag it up, and then throw it in a hedge, or over a wall, or hang it off the branch of a tree …
Poo trees! The worst kind of trees. And that’s worse than doing nothing, because not only are you preserving the poo, but you’re adding plastic pollution to the mix as well.
I guess that no-bagging and no-picking-up is less of an issue in the countryside because there’s more space, less chance of an encounter, it all turns to compost … Hold it right there. Back to the survey, which was commissioned by the makers of Droncit, a brand of tapeworm tablets.
Great, first dog poo, now we’ve got tapeworms! Let’s hope not. Anyway, 36% of those surveyed would be more likely to leave dog doo-doo in a rural field, with 51% unaware of the impact it can have on the environment.
I confess I’m one of them. Tapeworms can be passed on to livestock. That’s not good for farming.
Can they be passed on to humans? In some cases, yes.
So now I’m thinking even if it does get picked up, you’re not always going to get all of it, especially if it’s, you know, a bit runny … OK, enough now. Let’s never go to the park, or the countryside, or walk along a pavement again.
Do say: “Oi! Yes you! PICK IT UP!”
Don’t say: “Sorry, fresh out of bags …”
