Shaun Udal has mixed memories of the T20 Blast, then known as the Twenty20 Cup. On 13 June 2003, he played in the very first game as Hampshire Hawks took on Sussex Sharks at a sun drenched Rose Bowl. “We were sat in a dugout wondering whether this was going to be some new dawn for cricket,” he remembers.
Easy to forget now but those early days of the format were full of innovation, yet compared to the retina-scalding razzle dazzle of the Indian Premier League, the brave new world of 2003 now looks distinctly parochial. Quaint, even. Udal recalls watching as the Hawks’ opening pair of James Hamblin and Derek Kenway walked out to the middle – batting pioneers in black cricket kit with charcoal piping. “Most of us thought that it might just be a hit and giggle, over in a couple of years,” he says.
Five years later on the same ground, Udal had one his finest hours on a cricket field, no mean feat for a man who pocketed Sachin Tendulkar as part of taking four for 14 and bowling England to a historic victory in a 2006 Test match. At a rocking Rose Bowl on T20 Finals Day in 2008, as Middlesex clinched the title against Kent in a last-ball thriller, Udal played a huge role, his yeoman-like yet highly-effective off-spin propelling his team to their first piece of silverware in 15 years.
Aged 38, Udal had seemingly retired from first-class cricket at the end of the 2007 season, hanging up his bowling boots after two decades with Hampshire, happy years alongside Robin Smith, David Gower, Malcolm Marshall and Shane Warne. A few months later, however, John Emburey – then director of cricket at Middlesex – tempted him back for one last twirl. Udal signed a two-year contract that saw him become club captain in 2009 before retiring for good in 2010. It was during that last season that he first noticed something wasn’t quite right.
“During the last half of the season with Middlesex, I felt as if I wasn’t in control of the ball,” Udal says. “It was coming out at different angles. It wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I’d never had that before at all.” More worrying symptoms followed. “I was getting some pains down my right side and in my arm, some tremors and losing grip with my fingers.”
The years after retirement were a struggle, with Udal feeling increasingly anxious and adrift. Simple tasks became insurmountable. “Tying shoelaces or doing up buttons became this huge, stressful thing, I knew something wasn’t right.” He fell down a flight of stairs at the beginning of 2019 and had to go for scans at a local hospital. The next month a letter landed on Udal’s doormat confirming he had Parkinson’s disease.
Lockdown bit a few months later. Udal lost his mum to the virus, his brother then passed away completely unexpectedly. “There were some dark days I promise you, lockdown was horrific,” he says. “I lost my mum and my brother and I had 14 weeks without any treatment.”
Udal admits he had some harrowing thoughts during this period and the tone of some of his social media posts caused real concern. He credits the support given to him by his family and friends, his local cricket club and former teammates with saving his life. He also singles out the “unbelievable” efforts of the Professional Cricketers Trust who, among other things, financially contributed towards him being able to see a counsellor for a 20-week period. “I just poured my heart out and they listened. That’s one of the key reasons why I’m doing a little bit better.”
Another person guided Udal through some of his bleakest moments: former Hampshire teammate Warne. “Shane was just like that, always there for you,” Udal remembers of the legendary spin bowler. “No matter what he had on he would make the effort. He’d ring me out of the blue and I’d tell him how I was feeling and he’d be straight back with ‘Shaggy you’ll get through this, we’ll have a couple of beers when we get out of the other side.’ Numerous calls throughout lockdown were a real ballast. “In the darkness, Shane always provided the light.”
Warne’s death was another hammer blow to Udal. “I didn’t believe it and still sort of don’t really. That man just seemed invincible. I can’t get my head around the fact he is gone.” Still wrought with grief, Udal is also dealing with the symptoms of his condition. He sometimes posts videos on social media that are unflinching in showing the realities of living with Parkinson’s in order to show others who suffer “that they are not alone”.
after newsletter promotion
Udal, 54, is thankful to the cricket world for standing by him through the last few years and still follows the game passionately, noting how much Warne would have loved watching Ben Stokes’s England side and the current Ashes series. His loyalties still reside on the south coast too; he’ll be cheering on Hampshire this weekend.
“I’ve got to a level of acceptance now,” says Udal. “Yes, I’ve got Parkinson’s and yes there are still dark moments, but they are just moments now rather than endless days and nights.”
Vitality Blast Finals Day 2023 is supporting the Professional Cricketers’ Trust: justgiving.com/campaign/blast2023
In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or email [email protected] or [email protected]. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
